More weirdness in Mexico

In Juarez they have special traffic cops called "Transito".  All they do is stuff related to traffic like hand out tickets, direct traffic and take bribes (sound thrilling doesn't it?).

I shot this cop directing traffic yesterday. 

"Por aca,  pinche guey!"

Doesn't look too odd until you get aload of his "offical uniform".

"Son's of Order and Lawfulness"

Gee Willikers, what’s up with the weird vernacular of Mitt Romney?

Mitt Romney seems to be stuck in some sort of slang wormhole. Some of his responses to questions people ask of him seem as if he’s walked off the set of Happy Days. For example, yesterday it seems that some poindexter he held down and tormented at his all excusive prep school came forward to tell the tale of when Mitt and some of his gang of tight actors held him down and called him a fruit. This was followed by a buzz cut to his bundie ass.


Romney’s response to this is that he really didn’t remember and if it did happen he’s sure it was “high school hijinx”. Hijinks? Really? Mitt, you sure it wasn’t just a case of the monkeyshines?

Then there’s the odd case of him telling People magazine that he “Tasted a beer once as a wayward teenager”. It’s like he stepped out of an episode of My Three Sons or something.

“By golly, I’ll run for President!”

What’s with this guy’s “shenanigans” anyway? Well, you’re lucky you’ve got the ace reporters of the Orange Folder Chronicles on your side Daddy-O.

It took me a while to figure it out but I finally discovered that his speech writers are using old copies of Archie comics to come up with his lines.

“Hey Betty, you thinking what I'm thinking?”

The weirdest children's Christmas story ever written

OK, So I'll have to fess up here and admit that "The Orange Folder Chronicles" wasn't given an advance trade copy of this book to review so while I haven't actually read it, I bet the story I have in my mind might even be better than the actual book.

But seriously, how did this one make it by the nanny patrol? I love the leering look Mr. Claus is giving this concerned looking Ho as "Rudolf the wingman" looks on.

"Nice Ho Santa baby"

Reason #57 why it's not cool to be a dumb looking dog

"I can't believe I put up with this shit for that cheap ass Wal-mart dog food he buys"

How to tell when the school photographer just doesn't give a damn

There's dedication to your job and dedication to just "finishing your job". I imagine the guy taking the school photos that day just wanted to shuffle the kids through and get back to the bar.

"Little Jenny redefines photogenic"

Great moments in multi-tasking

Here we have what must be one of the greatest demostrations of doing two things at once and doing both of them well.

I can't state that I know the circumstances that lead to this guy needing to engage in communication in the midst of a power on drift but I like his style.

"Well fuck you too buddy, but I win since I'm also racing a car while I'm insulting you"

PS: I freely admit I stole this photo from Hooniverse, who stole it from someone else. Not good form but how could I not share something this great.

How to flunk a grade school history project

Screwing up just seems to come so naturally to today's kids.

Weird product ideas from the “didn’t think about it” marketing department

#1) 1996 MK III VW Golf Harlequin

Under the brilliant guidance of the lowest paid employee at Volkswagen who actually owned a car, the company decided to release the special “Harlequin” edition in 1996.

By carefully selecting unbent panels leftover from crash test cars VW was able to create that special “Piece of shit” patina that normally takes 20 years and six owners to create.

“Clowns not included”

Even stranger still is the apparent reverence VW owners have for a vehicle that looks like it was repaired by “Larry the Cable guy”.

264 of these monstrosities were built and just in case you’ve become enamored with thought of driving a car with a salvage title, here’s a link to the Harlequin registry - http://www.rossvw.com/harlequin/

According to the registry, four different paint schemes were offered. I just wonder what the names of these could have been - “red drivers side door with green hood” perhaps?

The car below is for sale – Only $10,500! Yea, that’s a great deal on a 96 golf.

Why does every Volkswagen on the planet have a "shocker" sticker on the bumper?

#2) Hello Kitty Armaments

Various guys at the NRA and bored gun manufacturers are always trying to convince the women of the world that the use of deadly force should be cute and sweet, thus the rise of the pink gun.

No matter what gun shop or sporting goods store you go in, there’s always one (and never more than one) pink Lady Smith & Wesson in the case or pink child’s size .22 rifle at the far end of the rack.

Exactly the person I think of when I see a pink gun for sale

Sensing that plain girly pink wasn’t exactly spurring sales, various gun customizers have taken it upon themselves to offer special Hello Kitty shotguns and rifles.

“Hands up or I’ll blow the stuffing outta ya!”

It must be working, check out this happy owner of the Hello Kitty AR-15

“Sweetie, would you be a dear and go down to Walgreens and get me some tampons?”

I have to be honest here and admit that there’s some dark sick and twisted part of me that really wants to walk in the local Bank of America with my Hello Kitty shotgun and demand a refund of my share of the TARP bailout money.

My personal favorite, however, is the limited edition Hello Kitty Kalashnikov with the optional knitted buttstock cozy.

#3) Lewd fishing equipment

Really, this thing is so wrong on many levels. First of all is the obvious. I think the local police dept. posts an amber alert just in case every time one of these is sold.

“Hey guys, check out my pole!”

It sorta makes me want to get one and put it on and walk around the mall just to see what happens (not really, pepper spray and tazers leave a helluva hangover).

Looking like a perverted captain Ahab aside, who want to battle a monster trout by having a fishing pole jammed in their nuts anyway?

I suppose if you can get your mind off fishing for just a little while it might make sense. Can I see the catalog of attachments for it?

#4) Darth Vader collectible plate

This is going to look peachy in Nana’s china cabinet next to the Hummels.

“Use your change purse Luke”

Royal wedding - Photo of the day

Irony - Part 2

Today I was late leaving work because I was messing around on the internet checking eBay, Facebook and all those other sites that that are so popular with those of us who'd rather not be working. Good thing too because my tardiness seems to have prevented me from being an eyewitness to the ventilation of this Suburban. The truck has "Servicios Funerarias" written on the side - "Funeral Services".

Particulars from Channel 44 News about the crime:

Police collected 7 S&W .40 caliber shell casings from the street. The owner of "Funeraria Rios"Juan Rios, aged 43, and his employee, aged 34, both died at the scene.

This sort of crime is very common in Juarez and usually results from buisnesses not paying their "cuota" or protection money. Either that or someone wasn't pleased with the undertaker's work.