Al Qaeda in the hood

Yesterday the FBI busted into 134 Lakeside Circle in Willow Spring NC and arrested 39 year old Daniel Patrick Boyd, his two sons and four other suburban terrorists with scary sounding Middle Eastern sounding names. Boyd, who looks more like a mullethead than a mullah had been running his own radical prayer sermons out of his house and operating a training camp out of nearby Caswell county.

Now normally, I don’t pay much attention to stuff like this, figuring it’s just another case of mistaken identity by the Dept. of Homeland Security. I usually shrug it off and consider myself lucky that some bumbling flatfoot hasn’t fingered me as the ringleader of some secret plot to blow up all SUV driving cel phone users.

However, this time it was the address that caught my attention as I used to live four doors down from this house. According to Yahoo, it’s 0.18 miles away. I always knew they weren’t right anyway – never offered me any beer…

"Everyone stares at the girl in the red dress"

I got up this morning and was pretty stunned that my email inbox wasn’t full of photoshopped pictures of Obama as Morpheus from the matrix.

Yesterday, during his speech on healthcare reform he made this comment

"If there's a blue pill and a red pill, and the blue pill is half the price of the red pill and works just as well, why not pay half price for the thing that's going to make you well?"

I usually don’t bust out laughing during presidential speeches (well, at least not when George W. Bush isn’t speaking) but that quote had me laughing hard.

Hmm, this and maybe the photo from my June 10th post might explain a lot here. So that’s what all that stuff about “new energy policy” is about.

Lookout coppertop…

It's not the size of your weinermobile but how you use it

Last Friday it seems that the 22 year old chick in charge of driving Oscar Mayer’s “Weinermobile” had a little bit of trouble handing the 27 foot advertising tool she had been put in charge of.

During what I can only guess was a slight unauthorized excursion to try to see Lake Michigan she inadvertently took her rolling sausage down a dead end street.

In a hurried bid to zip up the trip quickly, she gave the gas a quick poke and accidentally rammed the wiener into a tight garage and could not extricate it. Seems like she thrust when she should have stroked (she’s a girl, what did you expect?).

The dog and house remain locked together for hours before it was finally freed leaving the house battered and bruised. The owner of the house had recently dropped her insurance and she hoped that Kraft would pay up but the wiener wreckers didn’t leave a call back number nor did they call back in the morning.

"Oh yea baby, I'll call you in the morning"

This is not the first time the girls have had problems with the big plastic wiener though, back in 2008, they managed to stuff the wiener into a snowbank, which may have led to the the greatest piece of newspaper journalism ever created, read it here

http://www.firefighternation.com/profiles/blogs/889755:BlogPost:362894

Oddly, after pulling it out they found it had gotten shorter in the cold

Worst comic book cover ever

OK, I freely admit that I stole this from someone else's blog who stole it from failblog.org, so sue me if you want. Still, I have to warn kids about the "man of steel" (or is that Steely Dan there?) right?

The big empty Slurpie

Years ago when Clinton first got elected there was a guy by the name of Ross Perot who was vehemently opposed to the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA). His famous line was “that giant sucking sound of American jobs headed south”.

Well, quite a bit of time has passed since then and the sound I hear now is the one you get when the cup finally runs dry. The only thing he seems to have failed to predict was that other kid with the much longer straw getting most of the syrup.

I ran across this giant stamping press today being hauled across the border into Mexico. You don’t see much of this anymore like you used to. At one time trucks were lined up at the border with massive machines from America’s chrome age. You’d see all manner of presses, lathes, machining centers etc. making their last journey to the hydraulic graveyard.

Most Americans of working age today have never stood inside a manufacturing plant listening to the rhythmic cadence of stamping presses. There’s a certain awe you feel when a huge die slams shut with enough force to shake your bones through the earth from 1,000 feet away. Like some Nine Inch Nails concert on “11” these things create music in harmony with each other, banging out the chords of a better life under your feet.

Most of them are gone now, sent away across the ocean to be copied and to bring a better life to billions of other people while our own society stagnates and declines. A nation that produces nothing but paper and ethereal ideas eventually comes to have nothing but paper and dreams left.

How appropriate then that this great machine lies on it’s side like some fallen beast in one of the Lord of Rings movies.

The name on the side says "Bliss"

Finally a president I can relate to!

The photo below appeared in the New York Post today. I have to say, I like the fact that I share something in common with our president for once (although, I think there's a photo of G.W. Bush checking out Queen Elizabeth somewhere).

I'm not sure if "horndog" is a requirement to be a democratic president or Obama's just been hanging out with Bill too much but I say it's not a such a bad thing. Lets the rest of us know that these people really are normal. I just don't want to hear any complaining about how much the lump Michelle puts on his head hurts.

"Barack Obama & Nicolas Sarkozy discover that the US and France really do have common interests"

Coolest truck in the world - Weird Mexican trucks

I have a thing for bizarre homebuilt contraptions. Especially the halfass backyard engineering sort. I was a big fan of “Junkyard wars” and other shows where people build stuff out of debris.

Of course, in Mexico this takes on a whole new meaning. This isn’t done to see who can build barbecue grilles out of car trunks or weird mailboxes from tractor parts for entertainment. There it’s done mostly out of necessity to fill some real need.

However, I have to think that the guys who built this truck were smirking just a bit when they stood back and took a good look at their entry into the cutthroat world of maquila parts transport.

I pass this contraption frequently on the way to work. It is used to deliver parts to a maquiladora down the street from mine.

By cutting the back foot off an US old school bus and welding it back on behind the drivers seat a truck cab was created. The extra long frame rails support a 24’ dock height box.

Now, think back to grade school and remember how the doors were. Yep, the narrow swing door is still there and the only way to get inside. But as a plus, your buddies can hang out on the stairs with door open and enjoy the breeze (seat belts are for pussies).

The real ingenious part thought, is shown in this photo. The white and yellow square you see on the front bumper is a valid license plate. Wonder how they did that?

Swine flu steals narcos thunder

Well today while everyone was distracted by the possibility of an unsavory, snotty death the cartels of Juarez decided to come out of hiding.

I stopped off at S-Mart for some beer to drink in the long customs line (it's hot now and most of us daily crossers drink to pass the time in line in the summer). As I drove down Plutarco Elias Calles, one of the major arteries in the city I suddenly came to what appeared to be a roadblock by the police and the Mexican army. I quickly stashed my beer and drove forward to find the road blocked off because one of the cartels decided to shoot up a woman in the middle of the street as she was driving.

Plutarco Elias Calles, a major four lane one way street blocked by police

I've talked to alot of Juarenses and they all tell me the same thing - they are more afraid of "influenza porcina" than the narcos. I guess after so many years of shootings in the street, you get used to it. Seven people succumbed to "acute lead poisoning" today. No one died of the flu or for that matter was even diagnosed with it. Even the people who beg and sell useless crap on the bridge were wearing masks.

"Un Peso Jefe?"

Pandemic panic

As you are probably aware, Capt’n Tripps is upon us. The sudden outbreak of H1N1 “Swine Flu” has paralyzed Mexico. The Mexican government went public with it 6 days ago last Friday (it’s a matter of debate over how long they knew about it before that). Since then the entire nation has been gripped with fear and suspicion and not to mention quite a few uneasy jokes.

At the last count 159 people in Mexico have died from this and Mexico D.F. has canceled all public gatherings, even soccer games (I know some people here that would buy a bus ticket to hell if America was playing Chivas). Schools and universities have been closed until May 6th.

Yesterday all employers were told that all pregnant women are to stay home from work and all non essential government services were shut down (that one act will probably increase the treasury reserves of Mexico by billions of dollars as government employees will not be able to go to work and embezzle any money). Restaurants and bars have been ordered closed and will only serve take out (this promoted a street blocking protest in Juarez by bar owners and “teibloleras”- strippers, who cannot earn income at the moment).

Today there is talk of closing all large businesses. Crews have been set up to wipe disinfectant on commonly touched surfaces such as phones, door handles and even the railings on the walkways of the international bridges.

Millions of face masks have been handed out. While these probably won’t stop anyone from getting the flu, they might stop the flying snot from sick people from ending up on your shoulder.

All this in spite of the fact that not one case has been officially discovered in either Juarez or El Paso (I question this, one day before the announcement was made a 49 year old woman working 2nd shift in our plant died of a respiratory illness describes as “her lungs filled up with phlegm”. I was told that it would be reported as she died in the Seguro Social hospital).

This country is in a near state of panic with people walking around in masks, not touching each other and doing a wonderful job increasing Johnson & Johnson’s bottom line.

Mexican hottie protects herself while daredevil tests bronze lion

How the United States provides cheap and reliable public transportation to developing countries

Anyone who has ever ridden a bus in most US cities knows how pathetic public transportation is in our country. The number of busses is limited, you have to sit and wait for 30 minutes in between busses and ridership is low. There are a few exceptions, mostly in very large cities but in smaller to medium sized cities public transportation is mostly a waste of time and resources.

I’ll use my own city of El Paso as an example. It has a population of around 700,000 people. Most buses run on their routes every 30 minutes, when the busses are not broken down (very common in this city). They ply one of 14 predetermined routes and you have to walk to the nearest bus stop to catch one. The fare is one dollar.

The busses all have handicapped access, large flat lifts designed to pick up those tied to wheelchairs or unable to climb the steps. For the rest of the populace, the bus kneels down when it stops so that first step is nice and easy. These two features lead to frequent failures and almost everyday you can see one of the city busses broken down on the side of the road like some ratted out old French car with the city maintenance vehicle alongside.

My wife attempted to use the public transport for a while but found that the bus frequently never arrived or she had to get off and wait for another one after the handicapped access lift got jammed and the doors could not close. After a few months she decided that the 37 year old Fiat 128 I bought out of Hemmings Motor News for $500 was more reliable transportation (actually it was. Other than one broken clutch cable, the little car got her where she needed to be every time.)

So, is public transport just an idea that doesn’t work? No, in fact all I have to do is cross the border into Juárez Mexico to find a cheap and highly efficient public transport system. Well almost. It’s not public at all. Instead, there are thousands of old US school buses on every street. They are privately owned by “ruteros”, the name given by the denizens of Juárez to the owner-drivers of these vehicles.

Other than looking sporty, the tall pipes keep the exhaust fumes above the pedestrians

They are so prevalent that you can literally walk out on any moderately sized street, stand there for about a minute and one will stop for you if you hold up your hand. No schedules, no designated stops and it costs 3 pesos (less than a quarter) to ride.

Five deep in a downtown park

Now, they are old school buses so there’s no kneeling at the curb, and someone with a wheelchair will need someone else on the bus (like the driver) to help them board. They do have some things that the American counterparts don’t though. Things like vendors selling snacks on board, lively music and lots and lots of amusing decorations. Lots of Virgin Guadalupes, futbol logos, sexy girls and dedications to passed relatives adorn the rear windows. It’s a large outlet for reproduction 59 Cadillac taillights and velvet fringe. Illicit Bugs Bunnys are fairly popular too.

I wonder if we Americans would just let our hair down for a few moments if we couldn’t come up with brilliantly simple solutions like this.

Chrome naked ladies - popular with drivers of heavy vehicles worldwide (with the possible exception of Tehran)

And you thought everyone in Mexico was named Jose or Pedro