Friday, May 20, 2011

Weird product ideas from the “didn’t think about it” marketing department

#1) 1996 MK III VW Golf Harlequin

Under the brilliant guidance of the lowest paid employee at Volkswagen who actually owned a car, the company decided to release the special “Harlequin” edition in 1996.

By carefully selecting unbent panels leftover from crash test cars VW was able to create that special “Piece of shit” patina that normally takes 20 years and six owners to create.

“Clowns not included”

Even stranger still is the apparent reverence VW owners have for a vehicle that looks like it was repaired by “Larry the Cable guy”.

264 of these monstrosities were built and just in case you’ve become enamored with thought of driving a car with a salvage title, here’s a link to the Harlequin registry -

According to the registry, four different paint schemes were offered. I just wonder what the names of these could have been - “red drivers side door with green hood” perhaps?

The car below is for sale – Only $10,500! Yea, that’s a great deal on a 96 golf.

Why does every Volkswagen on the planet have a "shocker" sticker on the bumper?

#2) Hello Kitty Armaments

Various guys at the NRA and bored gun manufacturers are always trying to convince the women of the world that the use of deadly force should be cute and sweet, thus the rise of the pink gun.

No matter what gun shop or sporting goods store you go in, there’s always one (and never more than one) pink Lady Smith & Wesson in the case or pink child’s size .22 rifle at the far end of the rack.

Exactly the person I think of when I see a pink gun for sale

Sensing that plain girly pink wasn’t exactly spurring sales, various gun customizers have taken it upon themselves to offer special Hello Kitty shotguns and rifles.

“Hands up or I’ll blow the stuffing outta ya!”

It must be working, check out this happy owner of the Hello Kitty AR-15

“Sweetie, would you be a dear and go down to Walgreens and get me some tampons?”

I have to be honest here and admit that there’s some dark sick and twisted part of me that really wants to walk in the local Bank of America with my Hello Kitty shotgun and demand a refund of my share of the TARP bailout money.

My personal favorite, however, is the limited edition Hello Kitty Kalashnikov with the optional knitted buttstock cozy.

#3) Lewd fishing equipment

Really, this thing is so wrong on many levels. First of all is the obvious. I think the local police dept. posts an amber alert just in case every time one of these is sold.

“Hey guys, check out my pole!”

It sorta makes me want to get one and put it on and walk around the mall just to see what happens (not really, pepper spray and tazers leave a helluva hangover).

Looking like a perverted captain Ahab aside, who want to battle a monster trout by having a fishing pole jammed in their nuts anyway?

I suppose if you can get your mind off fishing for just a little while it might make sense. Can I see the catalog of attachments for it?

#4) Darth Vader collectible plate

This is going to look peachy in Nana’s china cabinet next to the Hummels.

“Use your change purse Luke”

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