Republitard of the week

Here we have the worlds most famous MILF giving a speech to her "tea bagger" pals as they envision themselves as a real political force instead of the spoon fed voice of the big business health care lobby that they really are.

Remembering what worked in high school, she's cleverly written some notes on her palm to reminder herself of what she's supposed to be talking about (probably a few geography pointers as well in case that pesky Katie Couric shows up).



However, in a typical “I’ve been blond at times” moment, she apparently forgot that if you talk with your hands, some smartass just might take a picture of them and prove that’s not the telephone # of a cute guy you met at the bar written there. According to AP, it says "Energy, Budget cuts (with "budget" crossed out), Tax, Lift American Spirits."

Come on Sarah, you could have studied for at least a few minutes and remembered that!

Oh, and BTW here a few more retardicans for your amusement (I think I get why these people are so terrified of illiterate Mexicans):

And lastly....

Ever heard of LSR holder Bill Likes?

A while back I was driving up to Taos NM to go investigate an old dump full of 30s car parts & beer cans when I passed this home built oil museum on the side of the road.





Now I’m the sort of guy who can’t pass up something like that without taking a look so I stopped and found the owner, who was happy to give me a tour of his oil memorabilia collection.

It was one of the most impressive collections of vintage oil cans I’ve ever seen but what caught my eye the most was this photo and a trophy sitting on top of a glass case.


The photo shows a guy wrenching on a flathead powered roadster on the salt. The caption reads “Bill Likes Bonneville World Land Speed 1952 146.365 MPH Class B N.F. Roadster”

The trophy says “B. Likes 137.40 MPH 7-8-9-50”

I asked the guy where he got this from and he told me that a friend had come by with a bunch of old trophies in the trunk of his car and was selling them. He picked out these two items because he liked them.

I made the comment that I wonder if the car still existed and he said he thought it did in about the same condition but with a small block Chevy.

I seem to remember he said it was in Chicago or somewhere like that but I’m not sure.

I’d love to hear more about Bill Likes and his trips to Bonneville but that’s all I know. Unfortunately because of his last name finding anything relevant on Google hasn’t been too productive (I get everything anybody named Bill seems to like). Anybody know anymore about him?

PS: I'll probably post this on the H.A.M.B - somebody there has to know.

Bam! Bam! 2010 in Juarez Mexico!

Today is January 7th, 2010 and already there have been about fifty murders here in Juarez. When Juareneses ring in a new year, it’s done with gunfire.

I had a meeting at one of our other locations at 10:30 so as I was going out the door I thought “Maybe I should take my camera in case I run across something interesting”. Well, I did see “something interesting”.

On my way there, a Cruz Rojo (Red Cross) ambulance and a municipal cop passed me with the sirens blaring. I figured something must be up.

As I got to the Dennys in front of Galerias Tec on Avenido Technilogico I saw two dead narcos in the parking lot near their Dodge Durango.

I always heard eating at Dennys was bad for your health

He had a “Grand Slam”

Good thing the PJF drives around with sheets in the trunk!

I'll let you know more about the particulars of this one once I get more information.

Fuck you Woody

My 4 year old only had one simple request of Santa this year, a Buzz Lightyear.

So one day I was at Sam's (damn, this blog really is about Wal-Mart isn't it?) and I found a life size, fully functional Buzz for the paltry sum of forty bucks.

When I say fully functional, I mean it. He says 75 different phrases from the movie (with the correct Tim Allen voice), has pop out wings and a fake laser on his arm and even comes in the spaceship box like in the movie. And as if that wasn't cool enough, he comes well equipped to cope with even the worst traffic in LA.

"You know what Woody, you whine too much. Me and Peeps are taking the RC car and headin' over to the liquor store & the drive in - don't bother to follow us!"

Note to fellow juveniles: A quick google search of the words "Buzz Lightyear" and "finger" or "bird" reveal that I might be the only person on the planet to notice this.

USA outsources saving the world

Here's the problem with Hollywood these days. They don't seem to realize that most of us sit around with nothing better to do than watch all sorts of trivial science facts on the Discovery channel.

Last weekend, I sloped the kids and took my wife to see "2012". I love end of the world movies and was pretty stoked to see a big budget Armageddon on a movie screen.

If you like these movies don't bother to go see this one. It seems someone finally managed to top Bruce Willis in the category of ridiculous survivals. This movie awkwardly lurches from one "beyond highly improbable" escape after another.

The movie starts the stupid stunts with a high speed escape in a limo (news flash Roland, limos are not fast maneuverable vehicles) that even drives through an open floor office space in a collapsing building.

"Hell, dodging cars falling out of the collapsing parking deck was a piece of cake next to not getting stuck in a cubicle"

From there they race to catch a plane to be deftly flown in between falling skyscrapers by a pilot who's "had a couple of lessons".

No Roland movie is complete without something flying under something falling, - also note LA fucked yet again.

The takeoff is the first of three in which the runway literally falls out from underneath the plane as it barely makes it skyward (really, three fucking times! One even happens to be the world’s largest plane, the Antonov-225 - a one off built to carry the Russian space shuttle).

When asked how the front loading plane could drop a Bentley out the rear later in the flick, we were told "Look closely, the plane in the movie is the Antonov 500 not the 225 so there!

From there they fly to Yellowstone where John Cusak manages to outrun a pyroclastic flow first in a 25 year old motor home and then in a twin engine Beechcraft (as the runway collapses from underneath them - #2).

"Vroomm, vroomm!"

Of course this was needed since wacko conspiracy theorist Woody Harrelson had the map to where the survival arks are.

Next they fly to the Las Vegas airport, which is still standing atop a huge block of ice - err, rock. There they happen to run into the same Russian oligarch that Cusak drove the limo for. It's there that we learn that our fantastically quick learning pilot also did the Russian's girlfriends boobs, which buys them a ticket to ride on the aforementioned giant cargo plane since he can be the co-pilot (whatever school he went to, I'd like a few lessons from that place!).

Not only can he make a nice pair of tits, he is also a quick study of Cyrillic and managed to get the beast airborne for a third cool take off from a disintegrating runway. Hmm, I wonder if I could get some lottery numbers from these people.

I guess the reason for the incredibly weird series of coincidences with the strange Russian and silicone hootered girlfriend is to get past the fact that they need to fly to China. Why China? Well here's where we get to what may be the only believable part of the movie.

You see, since the USA no longer has the productive capacity to build anything the "ships" being built to load all the scientists, rich folk, art treasures, pairs of animals and other persons of extraordinary ability (I hope they got Dorismar in the ark!) are "made in China".

"No, the PRC did not paint these with lead paint - honest"

Yep, now we've off shored the only thing we were really good at for the past 30 years - saving humanity from world ending scenarios in far-fetched movies.

I really do object to having the Chinese take over the job of saving the world. Americans are supposed to do that. After all, we are ones who first figured out how to blow it up. From Gort to Al Gore, we've got a monopoly on saving the world. Why share that one too?

PS: I really didn't spoil the movie for you. There are still lots of amazing escapes that I didn't reveal; including crawling through the ductwork to remove the tit doctor's mangled tools from the "gears of doom"

"Oh shit! anytime I see a gear bigger than a nickle in a movie, I know someone's getting a body part squished in it - I think my dignity is stuck in this one!"