Monday, February 16, 2009

The Great American Short Hair conspiracy

This is one of those things I’ll probably get a lot of flack over but I’ll say it anyway. I spend a fair amount of time reading the tripe on Kinda for the same reason they still have local news. It’s light and mildly entertaining.

About once a month they have some civilization altering article to help you determine if you are “age appropriate”. These articles are almost always aimed at women and usually a thinly veiled attempt to sell jeans or sweaters.

As pointless as they are, they do strike a nerve with me,-a pretty big one actually. What is this shit about women needing to cut their hair short in their mid to late 30s? I live and work in Mexico most of the time and this culture has not bought into this bullshit at all. Most, (not “many” or “some” but a solid “most”) women keep their hair long well into their late 40s or 50s. I’d say at least 60% keep it long for life. If you don’t believe me, just watch Univision for a couple of hours and check out the villainesses.

And you know what ladies? It looks great. No, they don’t look like desperate cougars struggling to maintain their youth. In fact, they look alive and vibrant. In fact, a lot of them look “hot”, how ‘bout that for an adjective? Here’s a few samples for you:

Salma Hayek now 42 years old (An owner of a website with alot higher traffic than mine once said that if there was such a thing as the Salma Hayek channel, he'd watch it all day long)

Mirabelle Guardia, 49 or possibly north of 50 (Maybe not the best example to make my case as she's alot like a restored old car - much of the original equipment has been replaced or upgraded)

Angélica Rivera, 38. Perhaps the best example I found of a pretty older girl without a bunch of modern plastic parts.

You’ve read everything from Cosmo to Redbook your whole life trying to determine what men like. Don’t try deny it, these magazines wouldn’t still be around printing the same articles over and over if you were not buying them. I’m a pretty average guy and let me tell you what we like – long pretty hair.

Very few women can pull off short hair and look good. If you’re older and your face isn’t perfect guess what? It makes you look 10 years older, instantly. Gotta big snozz, guess what? - the “Night Ranger” look is for you. Overweight? Just like loose fitting clothes hide the armpit rolls, long hair is going to hide a bit of those labrador retreiver jowls on ya. Short hair is nice on your son, not you.

I suspect that they age appropriate haircut myth is being perpetuated by late 20 something hotties who realize they are about to pass that crest and are trying to thin out the “MILF factor” down at the local Radisson lizard lounge. Probably it’s recited in secret sorority meetings until believed as fact.

Don’t do it, you look better with long hair.

Anyway, why do I care? Well, as my 5 year old daughter tells me “I just want to help people.”

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