OK, I freely admit that I stole this from someone else's blog who stole it from failblog.org, so sue me if you want. Still, I have to warn kids about the "man of steel" (or is that Steely Dan there?) right?
Friday, July 17, 2009
Worst comic book cover ever
OK, I freely admit that I stole this from someone else's blog who stole it from failblog.org, so sue me if you want. Still, I have to warn kids about the "man of steel" (or is that Steely Dan there?) right?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The big empty Slurpie
Years ago when Clinton first got elected there was a guy by the name of Ross Perot who was vehemently opposed to the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA). His famous line was “that giant sucking sound of American jobs headed south”.
Well, quite a bit of time has passed since then and the sound I hear now is the one you get when the cup finally runs dry. The only thing he seems to have failed to predict was that other kid with the much longer straw getting most of the syrup.
I ran across this giant stamping press today being hauled across the border into Mexico. You don’t see much of this anymore like you used to. At one time trucks were lined up at the border with massive machines from America’s chrome age. You’d see all manner of presses, lathes, machining centers etc. making their last journey to the hydraulic graveyard.
Well, quite a bit of time has passed since then and the sound I hear now is the one you get when the cup finally runs dry. The only thing he seems to have failed to predict was that other kid with the much longer straw getting most of the syrup.
I ran across this giant stamping press today being hauled across the border into Mexico. You don’t see much of this anymore like you used to. At one time trucks were lined up at the border with massive machines from America’s chrome age. You’d see all manner of presses, lathes, machining centers etc. making their last journey to the hydraulic graveyard.
Most Americans of working age today have never stood inside a manufacturing plant listening to the rhythmic cadence of stamping presses. There’s a certain awe you feel when a huge die slams shut with enough force to shake your bones through the earth from 1,000 feet away. Like some Nine Inch Nails concert on “11” these things create music in harmony with each other, banging out the chords of a better life under your feet.
Most of them are gone now, sent away across the ocean to be copied and to bring a better life to billions of other people while our own society stagnates and declines. A nation that produces nothing but paper and ethereal ideas eventually comes to have nothing but paper and dreams left.
How appropriate then that this great machine lies on it’s side like some fallen beast in one of the Lord of Rings movies.
The name on the side says "Bliss"
Friday, July 10, 2009
Finally a president I can relate to!
The photo below appeared in the New York Post today. I have to say, I like the fact that I share something in common with our president for once (although, I think there's a photo of G.W. Bush checking out Queen Elizabeth somewhere).
I'm not sure if "horndog" is a requirement to be a democratic president or Obama's just been hanging out with Bill too much but I say it's not a such a bad thing. Lets the rest of us know that these people really are normal. I just don't want to hear any complaining about how much the lump Michelle puts on his head hurts.
I'm not sure if "horndog" is a requirement to be a democratic president or Obama's just been hanging out with Bill too much but I say it's not a such a bad thing. Lets the rest of us know that these people really are normal. I just don't want to hear any complaining about how much the lump Michelle puts on his head hurts.
"Barack Obama & Nicolas Sarkozy discover that the US and France really do have common interests"
Monday, May 25, 2009
Coolest truck in the world - Weird Mexican trucks
I have a thing for bizarre homebuilt contraptions. Especially the halfass backyard engineering sort. I was a big fan of “Junkyard wars” and other shows where people build stuff out of debris.
Of course, in Mexico this takes on a whole new meaning. This isn’t done to see who can build barbecue grilles out of car trunks or weird mailboxes from tractor parts for entertainment. There it’s done mostly out of necessity to fill some real need.
However, I have to think that the guys who built this truck were smirking just a bit when they stood back and took a good look at their entry into the cutthroat world of maquila parts transport.
I pass this contraption frequently on the way to work. It is used to deliver parts to a maquiladora down the street from mine.
By cutting the back foot off an US old school bus and welding it back on behind the drivers seat a truck cab was created. The extra long frame rails support a 24’ dock height box.
Of course, in Mexico this takes on a whole new meaning. This isn’t done to see who can build barbecue grilles out of car trunks or weird mailboxes from tractor parts for entertainment. There it’s done mostly out of necessity to fill some real need.
However, I have to think that the guys who built this truck were smirking just a bit when they stood back and took a good look at their entry into the cutthroat world of maquila parts transport.
I pass this contraption frequently on the way to work. It is used to deliver parts to a maquiladora down the street from mine.
By cutting the back foot off an US old school bus and welding it back on behind the drivers seat a truck cab was created. The extra long frame rails support a 24’ dock height box.
Now, think back to grade school and remember how the doors were. Yep, the narrow swing door is still there and the only way to get inside. But as a plus, your buddies can hang out on the stairs with door open and enjoy the breeze (seat belts are for pussies).
The real ingenious part thought, is shown in this photo. The white and yellow square you see on the front bumper is a valid license plate. Wonder how they did that?
The real ingenious part thought, is shown in this photo. The white and yellow square you see on the front bumper is a valid license plate. Wonder how they did that?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Swine flu steals narcos thunder
Well today while everyone was distracted by the possibility of an unsavory, snotty death the cartels of Juarez decided to come out of hiding.
I stopped off at S-Mart for some beer to drink in the long customs line (it's hot now and most of us daily crossers drink to pass the time in line in the summer). As I drove down Plutarco Elias Calles, one of the major arteries in the city I suddenly came to what appeared to be a roadblock by the police and the Mexican army. I quickly stashed my beer and drove forward to find the road blocked off because one of the cartels decided to shoot up a woman in the middle of the street as she was driving.
Plutarco Elias Calles, a major four lane one way street blocked by police
I've talked to alot of Juarenses and they all tell me the same thing - they are more afraid of "influenza porcina" than the narcos. I guess after so many years of shootings in the street, you get used to it. Seven people succumbed to "acute lead poisoning" today. No one died of the flu or for that matter was even diagnosed with it. Even the people who beg and sell useless crap on the bridge were wearing masks.
"Un Peso Jefe?"
Pandemic panic
As you are probably aware, Capt’n Tripps is upon us. The sudden outbreak of H1N1 “Swine Flu” has paralyzed Mexico. The Mexican government went public with it 6 days ago last Friday (it’s a matter of debate over how long they knew about it before that). Since then the entire nation has been gripped with fear and suspicion and not to mention quite a few uneasy jokes.
At the last count 159 people in Mexico have died from this and Mexico D.F. has canceled all public gatherings, even soccer games (I know some people here that would buy a bus ticket to hell if America was playing Chivas). Schools and universities have been closed until May 6th.
Yesterday all employers were told that all pregnant women are to stay home from work and all non essential government services were shut down (that one act will probably increase the treasury reserves of Mexico by billions of dollars as government employees will not be able to go to work and embezzle any money). Restaurants and bars have been ordered closed and will only serve take out (this promoted a street blocking protest in Juarez by bar owners and “teibloleras”- strippers, who cannot earn income at the moment).
Today there is talk of closing all large businesses. Crews have been set up to wipe disinfectant on commonly touched surfaces such as phones, door handles and even the railings on the walkways of the international bridges.
Millions of face masks have been handed out. While these probably won’t stop anyone from getting the flu, they might stop the flying snot from sick people from ending up on your shoulder.
All this in spite of the fact that not one case has been officially discovered in either Juarez or El Paso (I question this, one day before the announcement was made a 49 year old woman working 2nd shift in our plant died of a respiratory illness describes as “her lungs filled up with phlegm”. I was told that it would be reported as she died in the Seguro Social hospital).
This country is in a near state of panic with people walking around in masks, not touching each other and doing a wonderful job increasing Johnson & Johnson’s bottom line.
At the last count 159 people in Mexico have died from this and Mexico D.F. has canceled all public gatherings, even soccer games (I know some people here that would buy a bus ticket to hell if America was playing Chivas). Schools and universities have been closed until May 6th.
Yesterday all employers were told that all pregnant women are to stay home from work and all non essential government services were shut down (that one act will probably increase the treasury reserves of Mexico by billions of dollars as government employees will not be able to go to work and embezzle any money). Restaurants and bars have been ordered closed and will only serve take out (this promoted a street blocking protest in Juarez by bar owners and “teibloleras”- strippers, who cannot earn income at the moment).
Today there is talk of closing all large businesses. Crews have been set up to wipe disinfectant on commonly touched surfaces such as phones, door handles and even the railings on the walkways of the international bridges.
Millions of face masks have been handed out. While these probably won’t stop anyone from getting the flu, they might stop the flying snot from sick people from ending up on your shoulder.
All this in spite of the fact that not one case has been officially discovered in either Juarez or El Paso (I question this, one day before the announcement was made a 49 year old woman working 2nd shift in our plant died of a respiratory illness describes as “her lungs filled up with phlegm”. I was told that it would be reported as she died in the Seguro Social hospital).
This country is in a near state of panic with people walking around in masks, not touching each other and doing a wonderful job increasing Johnson & Johnson’s bottom line.
Mexican hottie protects herself while daredevil tests bronze lion
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
How the United States provides cheap and reliable public transportation to developing countries
Anyone who has ever ridden a bus in most US cities knows how pathetic public transportation is in our country. The number of busses is limited, you have to sit and wait for 30 minutes in between busses and ridership is low. There are a few exceptions, mostly in very large cities but in smaller to medium sized cities public transportation is mostly a waste of time and resources.
I’ll use my own city of El Paso as an example. It has a population of around 700,000 people. Most buses run on their routes every 30 minutes, when the busses are not broken down (very common in this city). They ply one of 14 predetermined routes and you have to walk to the nearest bus stop to catch one. The fare is one dollar.
The busses all have handicapped access, large flat lifts designed to pick up those tied to wheelchairs or unable to climb the steps. For the rest of the populace, the bus kneels down when it stops so that first step is nice and easy. These two features lead to frequent failures and almost everyday you can see one of the city busses broken down on the side of the road like some ratted out old French car with the city maintenance vehicle alongside.
My wife attempted to use the public transport for a while but found that the bus frequently never arrived or she had to get off and wait for another one after the handicapped access lift got jammed and the doors could not close. After a few months she decided that the 37 year old Fiat 128 I bought out of Hemmings Motor News for $500 was more reliable transportation (actually it was. Other than one broken clutch cable, the little car got her where she needed to be every time.)
So, is public transport just an idea that doesn’t work? No, in fact all I have to do is cross the border into Juárez Mexico to find a cheap and highly efficient public transport system. Well almost. It’s not public at all. Instead, there are thousands of old US school buses on every street. They are privately owned by “ruteros”, the name given by the denizens of Juárez to the owner-drivers of these vehicles.
I’ll use my own city of El Paso as an example. It has a population of around 700,000 people. Most buses run on their routes every 30 minutes, when the busses are not broken down (very common in this city). They ply one of 14 predetermined routes and you have to walk to the nearest bus stop to catch one. The fare is one dollar.
The busses all have handicapped access, large flat lifts designed to pick up those tied to wheelchairs or unable to climb the steps. For the rest of the populace, the bus kneels down when it stops so that first step is nice and easy. These two features lead to frequent failures and almost everyday you can see one of the city busses broken down on the side of the road like some ratted out old French car with the city maintenance vehicle alongside.
My wife attempted to use the public transport for a while but found that the bus frequently never arrived or she had to get off and wait for another one after the handicapped access lift got jammed and the doors could not close. After a few months she decided that the 37 year old Fiat 128 I bought out of Hemmings Motor News for $500 was more reliable transportation (actually it was. Other than one broken clutch cable, the little car got her where she needed to be every time.)
So, is public transport just an idea that doesn’t work? No, in fact all I have to do is cross the border into Juárez Mexico to find a cheap and highly efficient public transport system. Well almost. It’s not public at all. Instead, there are thousands of old US school buses on every street. They are privately owned by “ruteros”, the name given by the denizens of Juárez to the owner-drivers of these vehicles.
Other than looking sporty, the tall pipes keep the exhaust fumes above the pedestrians
They are so prevalent that you can literally walk out on any moderately sized street, stand there for about a minute and one will stop for you if you hold up your hand. No schedules, no designated stops and it costs 3 pesos (less than a quarter) to ride.
Five deep in a downtown parkNow, they are old school buses so there’s no kneeling at the curb, and someone with a wheelchair will need someone else on the bus (like the driver) to help them board. They do have some things that the American counterparts don’t though. Things like vendors selling snacks on board, lively music and lots and lots of amusing decorations. Lots of Virgin Guadalupes, futbol logos, sexy girls and dedications to passed relatives adorn the rear windows. It’s a large outlet for reproduction 59 Cadillac taillights and velvet fringe. Illicit Bugs Bunnys are fairly popular too.
I wonder if we Americans would just let our hair down for a few moments if we couldn’t come up with brilliantly simple solutions like this.
Chrome naked ladies - popular with drivers of heavy vehicles worldwide (with the possible exception of Tehran)
And you thought everyone in Mexico was named Jose or Pedro
Friday, April 24, 2009
Princess Leia vs. the missing sock monster
It has occurred to me recently that I just might end up in the soup line as a result of everyone out there being tight fisted with their money. I work for a company that makes electric motors for pools and spas. Even I have to admit that demand for hot tubs probably is pretty elastic during a “severe economic downturn” or whatever euphemism you prefer for “Great Depression 2.0”
So I’ve been trying to figure out what I could do for income should I lose my day job. As the three of you who read this blog are aware, I probably won’t feed the kids as a writer so I did some brainstorming and came up with some ideas.
Then I got realistic and threw out billionare playboy, race car driver, SUV salesman and most of the other things that most people aren’t going to pay for in a recession. So what do people have to have, I mean can’t live without? Food, water, someplace to sleep and probably sex.
After thinking about for at least a minute I decided that being a pornographer is something I’d probably like a lot. As a mater of fact, this is probably the best choice since the internet is still partially free. I could start a fetish site.
A quick bit of research turns up a scary bit of info though. Most of the imaginable fetishes already have their own websites. Turns out there are quite a few unimaginable fetishes with web sites too.
Guess what?, they seem to have conventions for people who want to dress up in surplus mall Easter bunny costumes and get it on (google “furries” if you really need to know). In addition to that bit of weirdness, it also appears that adult diapers aren’t just for jilted astronauts anymore.
All right, fuck it. I’ll just have to invent my own fetish and get people to join in (hey, if third rate sci-fi writers can invent religions there’s no reason I can’t do this).
The key to a good fetish is that is has to have just enough appeal to draw people in. Remembering my own adolescence, I hit upon the idea of the “Princess Leia slave girl” fetish. I mean, there’s got to be thousands, maybe even millions of slovenly fat kids who fancy themselves as Jabba the Hut.
I quick search of the internet didn’t reveal any preexisting Leia slave sites but I did find this photo, which means people out there have thought about it.
So I’ve been trying to figure out what I could do for income should I lose my day job. As the three of you who read this blog are aware, I probably won’t feed the kids as a writer so I did some brainstorming and came up with some ideas.
Then I got realistic and threw out billionare playboy, race car driver, SUV salesman and most of the other things that most people aren’t going to pay for in a recession. So what do people have to have, I mean can’t live without? Food, water, someplace to sleep and probably sex.
After thinking about for at least a minute I decided that being a pornographer is something I’d probably like a lot. As a mater of fact, this is probably the best choice since the internet is still partially free. I could start a fetish site.
A quick bit of research turns up a scary bit of info though. Most of the imaginable fetishes already have their own websites. Turns out there are quite a few unimaginable fetishes with web sites too.
Guess what?, they seem to have conventions for people who want to dress up in surplus mall Easter bunny costumes and get it on (google “furries” if you really need to know). In addition to that bit of weirdness, it also appears that adult diapers aren’t just for jilted astronauts anymore.
All right, fuck it. I’ll just have to invent my own fetish and get people to join in (hey, if third rate sci-fi writers can invent religions there’s no reason I can’t do this).
The key to a good fetish is that is has to have just enough appeal to draw people in. Remembering my own adolescence, I hit upon the idea of the “Princess Leia slave girl” fetish. I mean, there’s got to be thousands, maybe even millions of slovenly fat kids who fancy themselves as Jabba the Hut.
I quick search of the internet didn’t reveal any preexisting Leia slave sites but I did find this photo, which means people out there have thought about it.
The third girl from the right has me rethinking my new career path
OK, so I was wrong does that mean I don't get the job?
OK, I was off base on the whole pony murdering conspiracy. But you have to admit, animals would be a good way to test your biological weapon right?
In hindsight it would be better just to test it on cows in some third world country, that way you wouldn't have hordes of pre teen girls demanding action.
I'm still hoping the DHS will still consider me for a job. Did I mention that I know how to operate a mop also?
In hindsight it would be better just to test it on cows in some third world country, that way you wouldn't have hordes of pre teen girls demanding action.
I'm still hoping the DHS will still consider me for a job. Did I mention that I know how to operate a mop also?
Monday, April 20, 2009
How to build bombs, poison the water supply and fuck up a polo match.
Today 21 polo horses suddenly all dropped dead of what appeared to be heart failure. Right now it’s suspected that there was a toxin in their food or something. While I think this is really sad as horses are beautiful creatures and my 5 year old daughter loves them, this also sends sheer terror up my spine. Terror of the type you’d imagine if you read The Stand by Steven King for the first time. Yep, a world like the late 80s B-flick “Def Con 4”.
HELLO DUMBFUCKIN’ DEPT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ON THIS???????
As guy who crosses the border everyday and realizes how “unprotected” we really are (unprotected like a drunk 16 year old slut at a frat party) I’m sure these guys haven’t thought about how this could possibly be a small test to by someone like Al Qaeda to see if you really can commit mass murder by poisioning the water or food supply.
Hence the title of today’s blog, I’m hoping that since you are monitoring the Internet you guys will see this and pick up on it. You’re welcome, that tip’s free because I love my 5 year old daughter. Get out your cop equipment and get on it quick.
PS: Seeing how I could possibly get laid off at any moment due to the “sucky” economy, and Obama might throw a bit of that 700 billion your way keep me in mind if you need some employees, I’m pretty perceptive for a suburbanite.
HELLO DUMBFUCKIN’ DEPT OF HOMELAND SECURITY, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ON THIS???????
As guy who crosses the border everyday and realizes how “unprotected” we really are (unprotected like a drunk 16 year old slut at a frat party) I’m sure these guys haven’t thought about how this could possibly be a small test to by someone like Al Qaeda to see if you really can commit mass murder by poisioning the water or food supply.
Hence the title of today’s blog, I’m hoping that since you are monitoring the Internet you guys will see this and pick up on it. You’re welcome, that tip’s free because I love my 5 year old daughter. Get out your cop equipment and get on it quick.
PS: Seeing how I could possibly get laid off at any moment due to the “sucky” economy, and Obama might throw a bit of that 700 billion your way keep me in mind if you need some employees, I’m pretty perceptive for a suburbanite.
"TSA & DHS launch undercover investigation into polo pony assasination plot"
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