It’s always 12:00

When I first entered college one of the guys down the hall brought a VCR with him. His parents owned a video store and he got one of the old rental units with him. This was early on in the technology and it was a pretty amazing thing to have in the dorm room.

People seem to have forgotten how much “shock and awe” some of the early consumer electronics had when this stuff first came out. I was so amazed by this thing that I had to have one. At the time the hottest thing was being able to freeze the picture and advance the movie one frame at a time. Advancing a frame at a time was a valuable feature for drunken college students to settle arguments or catch a peek at a nipple or two.

I saved money all summer to be able to buy a 4 head Sony VHS machine that could freeze picture without a static line on the screen (a technological breakthrough at the time) and that would advance 1 frame, 5 frames or 16 frames at the time. This was a state of the art hot rod machine at the time and set me back $400 in the mid 80s. It had all sorts of tracking control and tape speed adjustments that towards the end of VCRs were completely eliminated.

This machine was incredibly well built and I got about 10 years of service out of it. I can’t think of any consumer electronics around today that have that sort of longevity to them.

This VCR carried me through college, enduring hundreds of showings of Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, Pink Floyd The Wall and the original Terminator movie. Back then it was a bit more of an event to rent a flick and watch is as opposed to today’s ability to watch movies on your phone or anywhere with a few clicks.

Plus, I miss the soft greenish blue flashes of light from the machine that always thinks it’s midnight.

Blog reboot - with a promise

Well, it’s been a while since I wrote anything here and it’s about time I started back up. After witnessing BP’s massive clusterfuck in the Gulf of Mexico, I realized that the world needs my guidance.

So stay tuned for more articles about weird vehicles, bad advertising and other enlightening information about stuff you never knew about before.

Now for the promise. After my last article in which I defended Jesse James for behaving like a guy I got a lot (well for this site it was a lot) of feedback about sticking to other topics. Therefore and henceforth I halfheartedly promise not to write about celebrities and who or what they are doing. I still feel that the world lacks enough Perez Hilton, TMZ, Radar Online and US magazine but I’ll try to stick to stuff I know more about like old cars and hit men.

Next up: tales from the past, volcanoes and a review of human powered cargo trucks.

Post Scriptum 6/8/10 - Well it was a half hearted promise and who could resist that one?

Vote for me or I’ll bust yo’ fool haid!

I was pretty astounded this morning to read in the WSJ that Lawrence Tureaud, who is otherwise know as “Mr T”, has announced his bid for Republican Party candidate in the 2012 Presidential election. Mr T is famous for playing B.A. Barracks on the original “A-Team” TV show, an iconic cultural gem from American television. The interview, which I suspect must be some sort of comeback bid for it's bizarreness, was conducted in the parking lot of a Chicago Tastee-Freeze. He was quoted as saying “Barack Obama is sissy-boy! I can give him a beat down with one hand!”. When asked about his apparent lack of political experience, his response was “I ain’t no worse than Bush fool!”

He also stated that his decision to run as a Republican had something to do with not being a “granola eatin’ wimp”.

During the interview Mr. T seemed to be quite at ease and answered most of the questions directly, except for how comfortable he thought he’d be riding on Air Force One. It’s quite possible that he may have misunderstood this question as his answer was “I ain’t gittin on no plane.”

Whether or not he’d make a good president, I would have to probably side with him that he “ain’t no worse than Bush. Good luck Mr. Tureaud and I will be looking forward to seeing a primer black and red van in the presidential motorcade.

“Check the date fool!”

The Character assassination of Jesse James by the cowards of Twitter

The bullshit dealings of the average people thrust into the Hollywood spotlight are not my usual subject here but the “scandal de jour” this week is just too hard for me to ignore. Hard for me to ignore mostly because it involves two of the people I most like to watch on TV.

Everyone loves a good tale of woe with a villain and a damsel in distress. What better actors than the tattooed bad biker dude Jesse James and “America’s sweetheart” Sandra Bullock?

Toss in a bevy of the trashiest looking strippers you’ve ever seen and that’s enough to keep Perez Hilton and TMZ occupied for weeks.

Like a mad mob of tea baggers waving flags and threatening children, a flock of what I assume is mostly women have taken to the internet to voice the fact that they have tried Jesse James in their minds and have found him guilty.

Google has this odd little updating headline that appears mid page that scrolls blog updates and tweets in real time as they are posted. It’s utterly amazing to me to watch as one internet toughgirl after another posts foul mouth recommendations to Sandra Bullock about how she should dump her husband and/or remove select body parts. All of the accusations by the Rachel Uchitel wannabees appear to have been taken as gospel by these tweeting twits without any reasonable examination of alternative realities.

As a sometime skeptic, I have to look at the alleged scumbaggery and ask a few obvious questions. Well, obvious to a person who’s only seen one or two episodes of Oprah in his life.

I have however, read many of the issues of “Garage” magazine so that qualifies me to ponder this.

Let’s take alleged skank #1, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. This is the professional stripper/tattoo fetish model who initiated this whole thing by selling her story to In Touch magazine for a reported (by TMZ of course) $30,000. According to this woman, James had an 11 month affair with her on the couch of his motorcycle shop. A motorcycle shop that thanks to the Discovery Channel is quite a tourist attraction. I guess that couch comes with one of Harry Potter’s invisibility cloaks.

According to her story, she went there looking for work as a model for the magazine. That part of the story is certainly believable as each month some curvaceous chick is sprawled across a car or bike in the centerfold section of the magazine. I’m sure a lot of the tweeting twits would find this distasteful enough to call James a pig but it’s a pretty longstanding way to sell car magazines and as smart and cunning as he may be (Donald Trump’s words, not mine), he did not think of this.

So I thought she probably went down there and maybe something happened as I read the story. Jesse James himself seemed to lead an air of truth to the story as he quickly issued a public apology. Bad dog!

As the story unfolded, skank #2 chimed in. This would be his ex wife Jamie Lindemuller, a stripper/pornstar who’s known to pretty much hate the guy (ever wonder how it feels to walk into a party and when the chit chat turns to careers you say “pornstar?-I do).

She had plenty to say, including stuff like he had phonesex with her, she wasn’t surprised as he’s a “chronic cheater” (you watch, this will develop into a syndrome to be treated by self proclaimed healers like “hoarding disorder”) and that he tried to get her to cheat on Sandra with him.

Uh, maybe she’s just wanting to get even I thought to myself and then I envisioned a grand scheme where she sent skank #1 over to the shop to seduce him so she can bring his world down.

Then suddenly (but not surprisingly) skank #3 appears out of the woodwork. This chick seems to be the least credible of the whole group. A tattooed blond stripper who’s got a rap sheet a mile long and claims she slept with him too.

I don’t know about most people, but I just have problems believing stories by people who to beat up the cops trying to arrest them when they get busted. Also, as she’s making this accusation, sheis defending herself in court for blowing a .18 on the breathalyzer. Holy shades of Animal House Batman, that’s a serious bender!!! US magazine obviously has high standard for it's sources.

Another minor point that makes me question her is that she’s pretty ugly. Like his look or not, Jesse James has proven he can bag the best looking women around (from pornstars to cutest actresses, ask any guy to make a list of girls he’s like to be with and it’s going to include a few pornstars and Sandra Bullock). World class philanders have standards too people.

Next, as if in a race to grab the headlines, a photographer who, while not completely skanky looking, appeart to be cut from the same cloth chimes in too. This one however, unlike the others who seem to be claiming they were are all with him at the same time, says she only had sex four times and it wasn’t any good.

Hmm, just enough to get the website of her photography and modeling business splashed all over the web. I don’t think that’s a bad plan for getting free celebrity endorsements for a small business do you?

Lastly skank #5, a lawyer from the Tiger Wood’s debacle smells a wounded fish and mucks up yet another chick (aka: skank #6) claiming to have had therapy on the West Coast Choppers couch. No monetary gain there is there.

Now back to the twittering hoard. “Loser” seems to be the word of choice they paste on James as they bash out 140 well chosen characters on their iphones. I got news for you, a quick Google search shows that Sandra Bullock is worth about $85 million dollars and Jesse is worth anywhere from $35 to $100 million. I believe it, every truck on the road has a WCC sticker on it. Funny way to define loser ladies. As many of you pointed out, I'm sure he was glomming onto Sandra Bullock for the money.

OK cel phone nation, let me ask you a simple question. “What’s six inches long, has a bald head, and drives strippers crazy?”


Give up? Of course you do. You are all women and don’t get what motivates strippers. I’m a member of that pig gender known as “men” and will help you out here.

The answer is a hundred dollar bill. See ladies of twitter, strippers (and the one lone lawyer) do what they do because the love money more than anything else.

Now look at Jesse James, a tattooed biker. It’s a well established fact that bikers like to hang out in places where strippers are. Who’s gonna believe a biker when a stripper’s talking?

Did he do it? I don’t know, maybe. But my big question is why are all the women of the world so quick to believe the word of four strippers and a lawyer? Esp. when there’s $35 million dollars in $100 bills at stake?

PS: I’m pretty sure Sandra Bullock knew he was a biker when she married him. Let her sort it out.

Bad day in Juárez

Last Saturday in the middle of the day a 25 year old pregnant American consulate worker and her husband were murdered within sight of the Santa Fe international bridge in downtown Juarez. Their 10 month old baby in the backseat of the Toyota RAV-4 was unharmed.

This was an especially bold act in an area with a high concentration of Mexican army and police protection.

Elsewhere in Juárez a 37 year old man who was the husband of another consulate employee was also shot and killed. His two children aged 4 and 7 sitting in the backseat of his Honda Pilot were wounded. This attack took place nearly simultaneously with the first ambush.

This was also an unusual instance in that US government employees were killed.

Both appeared to be the work of Mexican drug cartels.

The consulate employees were evacuated to El Paso and the consulate is closed for today and tomorrow.

However, I had no other choice other than to go to work today.


President Obama has vowed to work with the FBI and Mexican authorities to find the killers.

(Copyright Reuters news photo)

The real reason for Republican opposition to health care reform

I kept hearing it but it took someone putting the argument on paper for me to fully understand the fear. Now I get it.

Stellar moments in advertising or "How to sell Malt Liquor"

One of my many hobbies is collecting beer related paraphenalia or "brewerania" as it's known. The other day I ran across the best item I've found to date. This little 6"X6" sticker made in the mid 1970s has to be one of those great gems in forgotten advertising.

Drawn by Mad magazine and "Tales from the Crypt" comic artist Jack Davis, it's one of those non-PC wonders that instantly makes you smirk and pine away for the old days before everyone got so offended over everything.

Love the hood ornament on the pimpmobile!

You can learn more about Jack Davis here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Davis_(cartoonist)

Republitard of the week

Here we have the worlds most famous MILF giving a speech to her "tea bagger" pals as they envision themselves as a real political force instead of the spoon fed voice of the big business health care lobby that they really are.

Remembering what worked in high school, she's cleverly written some notes on her palm to reminder herself of what she's supposed to be talking about (probably a few geography pointers as well in case that pesky Katie Couric shows up).



However, in a typical “I’ve been blond at times” moment, she apparently forgot that if you talk with your hands, some smartass just might take a picture of them and prove that’s not the telephone # of a cute guy you met at the bar written there. According to AP, it says "Energy, Budget cuts (with "budget" crossed out), Tax, Lift American Spirits."

Come on Sarah, you could have studied for at least a few minutes and remembered that!

Oh, and BTW here a few more retardicans for your amusement (I think I get why these people are so terrified of illiterate Mexicans):

And lastly....